Strange we should meet here

Just a few things off my chest.

2008-02-11T03:40:01Z

1. So last night I had a dream he came into my room and read me a letter spelling out all the wrongs and all the rights. I don't remember what I said to him, but I know I didn't forgive him. Oh shit. I miss him!

2. I hope your girlfriend dumps you so you can crawl back and I'll kick you when you're down. I am a horrible human being, and it feels good.

3. I'm so happy for you. So So so So sos sosososos happy. And I want to kick my own ass when I think you're only going to ditch me for your new boyfriend. Hey, it's happen to me once before. PEOPLE FUCKING SURPRISE YOU.

4. You're such a man. I need a man.
:)

5. Watch your mouth. Don't speak about which you do not know. I will kill you.

:)

2008-01-16T02:28:42Z

The past 2 weeks or so have been the best two weeks of my life. Possibly.

Not because everything has gone my way, as a matter of fact, I think things have gone the opposite of what I wanted, but the outcomes have been what I needed.

I don't know if anything around me as changed or I've just gained a new outlook on life. I'm thinking it's the latter. I had this epiphany a few weeks ago, and I called Tim the second it hit me;

I don't know who I am. I really don't. I'm sure somewhere deep inside, I'm there, but it's been a struggle to find out. I was someone different with everyone I knew, and I was pretty sick of it. So that night, I promised to just be who I wanted when I wanted and not care if it was gonna make people uncomfortable or not. To my surprise, I feel like people actually enjoy my company more now than ever.

Maybe that was the start of it, but after that, things have been great. That's an understatement.

When surprises come my way, I grab it and swing it around and toss it. Like it's some kind of sport. Haha, it's refreshing. Life changing, almost. I don't want to get ahead of myself.

Another reason for this change has been the passing of my friend Tinh. I never thought how blessed I was to be alive until someone I knew, someone I talked to, passed away. It was like a brick thrown at my head. I'm not trying to take anything away from Tinh, but all I can do is thank him. Thank him for allowing good to come from bad. For this, I love him. More now than ever.

And to those wonderful, beautiful, patient people who have helped me and given me their time and undivided attention; Grisel Torres, Timothy long and Cindy Le.

Thanks much.

Maybe I am too self-diagnostic, but...

2007-12-12T04:51:06Z

Why is it that all the men in my life are always disappointing me?
From my best friend to my lovers. (Lovers, ha!)

Or or or or! They just can't live up to the expectations I've set for the men in my life because I hold my father in such high regard- so for any human being to live up to my fathr would be impossible; therefore I get the notion that everyone is dissapointing me, when in reality, I am just setting myself up for dissapointment.

/end rant.

17 feels crummy. Feels like 16 feels like 15 feels like 14.

I'm a romantic, I think up big schemes on how to get rich, get out or get happy. Tom Sawyer, I'd say is my hero. No, but I'm not imaginative, nor creative. Simply put, I am a dreamer. Big things, big big BIG things.

You know that feeling you get when you're trying so hard to work something out, so hard that you are practically blinded by your drive and you can't see that there is nothing, nothing whatsoever, at the end to show for it. Nothing to claim but wasted breaths and lose of appetite.*

So what's a girl to do when she's got a cavern the size of her aspirations secretly implanted in her heart?
Fill with material things. Purses, shoes, jewelry, the works. Thanks Mom and Pops.

*Including, but not limited to; relationships, friendships, college application woes, video game politics, etc.

3 more days.

2007-11-25T21:56:59Z

Damn, it's been eons since I've even logged into LJ.

Life's been like fuckin limbo lately. Nothing moves on, except for days, and I'm stuck feeling like I've seen and felt all this before. Maybe with the coming of college, things'll change. (heres to wishful thinking).

I realize as this "point in my life" draws toward an end, I'm becoming more and more difficult to deal with; constant agitation and mean mugs make it hard for people to like you, I get it. It's not that I want to be hated, (or liked, for that matter) but--

Oh fuck it. I don't feel like explaining myself to anyone.

In other news; in 3 days, I'll be 17?

o_o

2007-05-28T02:42:09Z

Work drains all my energy.
Honeybaby, you need to recharge my batteries.(;

But it'll all be worth it when I get that fatty check.(350+)

I like riding the bus. A lot. It's strangely comfortable and it's helps the environment!

Snatch.

2007-05-23T21:44:02Z

Collab. days are the best and the worst. Who doesn't love half hour classes and getting out supa early? But then again, it throws my whole day off.

Brandon & Amber scooped me up afterschool for Slurpee run. I missed those vatos.

This week is pretty "action-packed". Tomorra I got Drug/Alcohol Prevention classes. Friday I have work. Saturday I got work, and Sunday My parents are out of town. =) Y'all know what that means? Slumber party! How old school is that?

Just something I'd like to point out, no blames and no finger pointing, but damn, is it just me or are most of the people at IHS lost? It's probably every highschool across the globe, but with the people I see everyday, it's so much more evident. I'd like to shake these kids and tell them there is more to life than partying every weekend, and getting as much ass as you can. Then again, I could just be jealous of their ever extravagant lifestyles.
SIKE.

I'd rather have a dull life w/substance. What do you so when the shoes stop selling and the drinks stop flowing; when the smoke dies down and the sex isn't the same? I know, do you? Been there, done that.

Doesn't make me any better than anyone else, though. I'm just as guilty.

I make no damn sense. Grisel(da), chopchop w/the bracelet!!!

trangpac @ 2007-05-12T15:25:00

2007-05-12T22:36:18Z

What a true and rare internet gem.
I've been into MF Doom lately, and Death Race 2000 was a siiiick ass movie.

Sitting at home, eating crushes up noddles in the silver bag, it's the life.
Remind me why people leave their houses again?

APENG exam Wednesday.
Hiphiphooray

trangpac @ 2007-05-09T16:41:00

2007-05-09T23:44:54Z

10 hours of community service + Drug&Alcohol prevention classes.
My year has turned out grrreat.

It was my fault, so I have to deal w/ the consequences. Sadly,it took something like this to bring my dad and I closer. He was the one who picked me up that day, and he was the person who took me to see my PO today. We got to talking, and he he introduced me to his girlfriend. She's sooo cute! Honestly, she reminds me of myself. Not just because she's cute (sikeeee), but because she's outspoken and honest, in a nice way. I am so glad that my dad found someone to make him happy. He looks happy. He stopped drinking and smoking and he's now a member at Bally's. I love my Dad.

You hear people say they want a husband who reminds them of their father? It's true.

Lalala

2007-05-01T23:38:34Z

I've been getting letters in the mail about many student ambassador-like programs, where you go to different countries and talk about diplomatic relations with other teens in that country. All sound very tempting. All very costly. One really sparked my interest though; The "People to people student ambassador" program. My talked about it with my mom, and she's down to help me pay for the tuition fees. I'll know for sure in July. So this means..

FIJI,AUSTRALIA&NEW ZEALAND, HERE I COME!

In other news, I've been getting a lot of panic attacks lately.
I know the reason why, but that hardly seems enough. Maybe it seems more to me than I thought it did.

STAR testing blows.

trangpac @ 2007-02-04T10:23:00

2007-02-04T18:34:32Z

Where the hell did Junior Yr go?

I'm fed up.

Fed up with how your problems somehow always seem to more important than mine. You always think the outcome will be bad, therefore you never try.

"Even if you try and fail, at least you'll be better than everyone else who never tried. And no one can say shit to you, cause you tried."

Take your own advice and suck it up. I know you want this just as bad as I do.

I'm fed up with my "house arrest". Even going to the library is out of the question. Seriously, this hasn't taught me shit. If anything, I just wanna rebel and get out even more. Joke's on you parentals. Hah-hah.

trangpac @ 2006-11-19T13:50:00

2006-11-19T21:50:05Z

Ya man, 9 more days.

Even though everything seems so good, I don't feel right.

QA and I had this talk, and it seems as though we'd go through hell for these people, and we don't expect it back. It's like we purposely hurt ourselves. Idk, it's hard to explain.

you don't even know

2006-10-25T03:27:09Z

It's beautiful that one person can have such effect on your state of being, but at the same time, that one person has so much effect on your state of being. (that probably didn't make sense, but to me, it did.)

If what one person says or does can change your whole attitude, is that not giving them too much power in your life? Couldn't they turn it around and throw you into a pitfall of depression? I bet they could, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I went from fucking crying about what a horrible person I am, to being flooded with love and happiness. To be cliche, it was like a rollercoaster; makes ya wanna puke your brains out.

He calls me friend.

2006-09-24T21:04:54Z

I went to church for the first time.
It was moving.

Mitch took Kevin, Sean, Billy and me to her youth group, and they were talking about some really deep shit. I don't know if I believe in Christianity, but the brotherhood they have is soo great.

There was this one point of the night when we were all in a circle, and Kevin started praying and I realized it was for me.For those who don't know, I'm a Buddhist, and I guess Kevin was saying that even though I don't believe in God, I should still be able to go to heaven with them. I love them.

That night, I went home and I prayed for my friends. It sounds silly, but fuck you. I prayed like crazy man, to God, to Buddha, to Allah, I don't even know, haha.

I think doing this definitely made the 4 of us closer.

trangpac @ 2006-09-02T11:40:00

2006-09-02T18:47:56Z

Yesterday was Mitch's birthday.

I had fun.

If I called you, and talked nonsense, I am sorry, but that is just how much I love you.

I've got bruises on my knees and back. I've got numbers in my phone, I know weren't there before, a few cuts here and there, and I'm grounded for life.

:)

a special thanks to Mikesquared&Rachel. Thank You

trangpac @ 2006-08-27T09:50:00

2006-08-27T16:58:46Z

Yesterday was my mom's birthday. She's either 36 or 37, I'm not sure.
I got her a giant card and a scented candle, haa.

Her friends gave her gift cards to Nordstroms, expensive perfumes, gold pendents, and fancy slippers.

:T

I was supposed to wake up early to go to a boyscout bbq thing, but I ain't no boyscout! So now I am at home finishing up AP homework.

So, I wake up to the sound of Zach Delarocha yelling SLEEP NOW IN FIREEE (cause that's my ringtone, duh) and it's Kylie. At 2:58 in the morning, Kylie. I don't remember what she said. Kylie, do you remember what you said?

Guess what Tuesday is? Dassright folks, welcome to hell biiiiiiaaaatch.

trangpac @ 2006-08-24T10:16:00

2006-08-24T17:37:33Z

I'm pretty content with my schedule.
good news: I got Ms. Nellis AGAIN
bad news: Mitch and I have the same period. Which means just laughing at each other in class and yelling Vietnamese obscenities across the room.

trangpac @ 2006-08-22T09:44:00

2006-08-22T17:05:49Z

I don't fucking know, geeeeze.

Stop with the pressure.

Anyway, I think I should be writing my essays. Or doing my laundry.

My best friend is a pinoy baller lookin' for a horny bitch. Interested? Didn't think so.

haaa

trangpac @ 2006-08-16T10:15:00

2006-08-16T18:21:19Z

For the past few nights, I have stayed up until 1, maybe 2 in the morning talking to Gene Michael Anuat aka The Ladies Man.

Nothing revelent, really except for "Don't jizz on my jordans!!" but that's strictly confidential.

Schoooool starts in a matter of weeks? And I still haven't done any of my AP homework. I want to get all my shit done this week, so I can have the last week of summer free to do whatever the hell it is cool kids do nowadays. Yaa.

SANTA CRUUUUZ!

2006-08-11T01:44:41Z

I haven't been to Santa Cruz since '00, and it was on X-mas eve. To finally go in the summer was fantastic.

Why the fuck is everything so expensive though?!

Anyway, thanks to some tickets I found on the ground, and Ramsy's cheating ways, we bagged ourselves some sweet ass gear. Vampire teeth and 25+ tattoos!

My tattoos were the bomb, though. A ring of eight balls on my neck and a snake on my face. I looked pretty mother fucking'scary with the vampire teeth in, and everything.

My shoulders are pink ass hell though. Get ready for some extreme peeling!

We like to party

2006-08-08T19:29:41Z

EDIT:
Just came home from the 'Rainbow Graduation'. Congrats to Rafael Monfort, Justin Karl Pantaleon, Sean Scotland, Victor Sanchez and Luigi Cuasay.

Fuckin' finally.

I have been listening to Venga Boys all goddamn day long.

And you what's the worst part? I actually like it.
No, I love it.

The Vengabus is coming
And everybody's jumping
New York to San Fransisco
An intercity disco
The wheels of steel are turning
And traffic lights are burning
So if you like to party
Get on and move your body

What it lack in intelligent lyrics,it makes up for in headsplitting catchiness!!

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

2006-08-05T23:38:06Z

(Wow, what an epic title)

Yesterday was pretty chill.
Amber, Brandon, Ramsy(?),Kevin, Mitch and I went to watch Talladega Nights. It was pretty funny, Will Farrell does it again.

I wanna add that there were some real cute chabattos there. Mmhmmmm.

After the movie, we all stood around in that open space between the theatre and the mall, ya know, and it was super crowed with kids.
Some even had their backpacks on. Wtf, school's out, man!

I think maybe we stubbled upon a rumble or something (OR SOMETHING.) because the cops/security started asking people to leave. And who did they ask to leave first?!? That's right, the black boys!

Thanks to BJ Wall for the ride home. I didn't have enough money for the bus. Haaa

trangpac @ 2006-08-01T11:40:00

2006-08-01T18:51:37Z

I have family visiting from Texas, and we're having a family dinner on Wednesday Night.
Upside: I haven't seen then since I was 8, and I'm stoked to see my cousins.
Downside: Mitch&I were planning to go to retro night at Cal-Skate the same night. We were going to dress up and everything.

I am not excited for school whatsoever. I hate how routine everything is.

I got a haitcut. It makes me look/feel conservative. Haahaa

Last day of Summer schooool.

2006-07-29T04:29:54Z

Fuck yeah. It's finally over with. No more Algebra 2, for the rest of my life!

PizzaPArty. No spoon for the ice cream. Holla at your voice, boy.

Afterschool? Chilled with SeanJustinLuigiRaffyAshlinKTran&OF COURSE Mitch. eeks Tony Monatana.
Quick blaze, then back to my house for some stupid internet shit&hot cheeto fries.
"ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!" Hahahahahha!

Then Rachel stopped by afterwork, then we drove to Ritz Camera so she could look at the nicest camera ever. Fuckin beezy.

trangpac @ 2006-07-22T17:01:00

2006-07-23T00:08:38Z

Sometimes, good looks make up for shitty personalities.

An original thought, I know.

It's hard to explain.
For instance, let's say...Maggie betrays, lies,and backstabs her friends, but no one outside her group of friends would know how horrible a person she is, simply because she is too pretty to be evil.

I blame society.

But poor society gets the blame for everything nowadays.

Paul Newman

2006-07-15T18:57:43Z

Thanks for a Paul Newman Marathon on TCM.

I don't care what you say Lien&/or Linh. He's handsome. And I would marry him, if it wasn't for the fact that he's about 80 now.

Hahaha Dilf.